Landing On My Feet

On June 1st, 2009, I became a statistic. I am now one of the dots that you see on all of the news charts representing the current unemployment rate.

I feel like I am a valuable employee, I just have an uncanny knack for picking problematic career opportunities. I like to think that I alone was not responsible for the collapse of Enron or the homebuilding industry, but while one layoff might be a coincidence, two is bordering on becoming a theme.

Losing my job wasn’t completely unexpected. In fact, I had been kind of expecting it for months before it finally came. The homebuilder that I worked for was struggling, but the few of us remaining were committed to fighting for survival as long as possible. We fought the good fight, but eventually had to admit defeat and shut our doors. As the heavy burden of unemployment settled upon my shoulders, I felt like a failure. Let the job searching begin!

I think I would rather shoot off my toes one at a time than hunt for a job. Trying to convince someone that you are good enough has never been a strong suit of mine. Trying to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life just leads to frustration because I just don’t know. Plus, there is an indignant little part of me that feels above completing any standard employment application. I don’t know where it comes from, but I actually get a little annoyed when I have to write in my high school address or convert my previous salary into an hourly rate for the form. I thought my days of “standard application forms” were behind me. I think I just get a little defensive because my “career path” seems to be heading in the wrong direction.

I’ve never really had a master plan, but being 35 and unemployed was definitely not on any agenda of mine. Friends and family have been supportive, universally commenting on the fact that they firmly believe I “will land on my feet”. Personally, I have never been a huge fan of the “blessing in disguise”, “every cloud has a silver lining” approach to empathy, but I do take solace in the fact that apparently I will be standing firmly upright when the dust settles on this economic turmoil.

The truth of the matter is that sometimes my “NOW” isn’t all that great. Being unemployed for the past six months has been a difficult and stressful challenge, but the great part is that I get to control my attitude. Sure, there are days when I wallow around in self-pity – and my pajamas – wondering why I can’t even get a response to my application for an “entry level position” (talk about a boost to the ego), but for the most part I still feel thankful and blessed. During this unemployed phase of my life, I have been able to spend quality time with my family, work on projects that I am passionate about and get an obscenely high score on my son’s WebKinz computer game. I know that soon enough I will be working again, and I won’t have the free time to take Tyler to school, Kailey to gymnastics or even enjoy an afternoon round of family putt-putt golf.

It just boils down to attitude. When I focus on being thankful for what I have, I don’t seem to waste much time worrying about what I don’t.

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